HIGH GEAR/APRIL 1978

BOOZE IN THE GAY WORLD

By JACK RYAN

The Gay Bar. The Gay Drinking party. For how many of us did booze and "coming out" go together! For how many of us does booze then becorne a very important part of our gay life! For how many has booze caused broken romances, broken dreams, broken hearts!

Most of you who drink can do so with no serious problems. You drink only when you want to and only as much as you want to. And you rarely drink inappropriately or to the point that if causes you problems. Oh! Maybe once in awhile you make your friend or lover mad because you have too much. And maybe once or twice in your life you did create a serious difficulty through drinking. But after you realized what happens because of booze, you decided that you did not need it. And since then drinking has become a minor part of your social life. It is no greater a part of your good times than eating or dancing or good conversation. You can be social with it or without it.

But when you need a drink to be social, that's not social drinking. You see, there are many who cannot keep drinking alcohol in its minor role in their lives. Yes, they get into trouble with it. It causes broken romances, broken dreams and broken hearts. But these people (about 10% of us) always blame these problems on something else. It's his fault. Or if they only accepted me. Or if only I weren't this way. Sometimes when they stop drinking they realize how

great life can be without it. But often the pain they cause themselves by drinking can only be relieved by more drinking. It starts out innocently enough. The Gay Bar is the safe place to begin. And everyone else drinks, don't they? Many times there is guilt when we realize we are that way and feel everyone is against us. Then the beginnings often seem so sneaky and seamy. For many it takes a few snorts to get up enough nerve to ask someone or accept an invitation. (After too many snorts you may get up to it and find you can't get up for it.)

Perhaps there is a subconscious tendency to deny the reality that we are gay or that we really like the gay life. A few beers, or scotches, makes "that life" a little unreal. And the next day we can say we wouldn't have done that if we hadn't had a few drinks.

Then there is the old saw, "What will people say?" if we don't accept every drink that's offered. Now, you people who only drink when and what you want won't worry about this. But if you belong to that 10% mentioned before, you find yourself saying things like this often. You can't imagine that most people could care less whether you drink or not. (And if the other guy cares, maybe HE has a problem.) You're sure that people will wonder what's wrong with you if on occasion, you decline a drink, or have a coke.

Booze is the oldest medicine in the world. It's an anesthetic, really. It kills pain. Depression. Loss of loved one. Loneliness. Guilt, Anger. Anxiety. After a few drinks all these pains ease up a little. (After a few more they usually get worse.)

What I'm really suggesting deals with what we may call the problem drinker or the alcoholic. Acoholism is an illness. It has a physical, a mental and an emotional aspect. It can hit people who get it in anyone of these areas initially. Without treatment it will probably eventually get you in all three. We don't know what causes it. We do know that alcohol does not cause it. (Otherwise everyone who drinks would get it.) And you can't tell if you've got it until you try drinking. It's a drug. And like other drugs, you don't know if you're hooked until you try them.

You expect the next sentence to be "And then it's too late." Sorry about that. It's never too late as long as you are alive. The problem comes because rationalizing and making excuses, denying and defending, lying and pretending are just as important symptoms of the ilness as the drinking itself. And alcoholics and addicts don't trust other people not even those who love them. So they don't accept help from others very easily. They think you are out to get them if you suggest they may need help. If you even suspect you have

a drinking problem or if you live with someone who may have, there is help available. In the Cleveland area we are blessed with four Gay AA Groups. (There are also Gay AA Groups in Columbus and Cincinnati.)

Sometimes, after the alcoholic gets sober he may need help in facing some of the other problems that come with living or with accepting the facts of gay life. There are counselors/consultants and psychologists around town who can help with the specific problems of homosexuals.

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Keep in mind, please, that chemical dependency, addiction, alcoholism do not get better by themselves. They get worse. It is not a kind and loving thing to not mention it. This is called the conspiracy of silence. Don't sit back and watch your loved ones go downhill. Strangely enough the alcoholic who gets well will come back to the friends who were toughest on him. He can trust them. They urged him on to help when he was not capable of making a decision for himself.

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